For someone who is constantly craving consistency, I’m not a very consistent person. I suppose that makes me a hypocrite. And for that, I’m sorry. I can’t stand hypocrisy!
Let’s start with childhood. Constantly surrounded by something, everything, complete and beautiful chaos. Whether it be a siblings constant ranting about his soccer games. Or my mothers constant rants about said soccer games. And the feelings I had about these particular activities. Mostly said feelings were of, well, let’s just say, “I don’t care but love going to the games but I just don’t want to hear about it, but the games are so fun, but will you stop talking about those darn games? But mom, can I go to the next one because I like the concession stand guy, he’s cute.”
See, I was all over the place, even then.
And let’s not forget abot the countless times I attempted to learn an instrunment. I believe I went through 2 piano teachers and probably 3 guiatar teachers before I was even out of high school. I never practiced but when it came down to my lessons, I expected to know the entire power chords to Smells Like Teen Spirit. My instructor wiould glare at me and say, “Julie, you will never learn if you don’t practice and keep playing.” I would nod my head and agree. I’d get home from each practice and play for a few minutes then stare a my spin magazine and go into la la land about eventually ending up on the cover. But not doing a darn thing to get there.
Flash forward to now (with many inconsistencies in between) and I’m here with a blog that I adore and a brain that just won’t produce what I want it to portray. I get my wheels turning and I’ll go on a blogging tangent and just blog like mad. Then- BAM- I lose focus, I lose my spark. I tried having weekly features. That didn’t work. I started a blogging journal. That didn’t work.
I know that if there’s things in our lives that we don’t like the only thing to do is change them. But what do we do if one of those things is something that has been a part of us for our entire lives? What if one of those things is basically giving up, quitting and the only thing I know is that? So, it just makes sense to quit trying to quit. To keep up with my inconsistencies. But if it’s that simple, why am I not content with it? Why do I constantly dwell on it?
Do I just suck it up and deal with the fact that I’m flieghty? That some things in my life will float in and out? That I suppose my inconsistencies are what makes me who I am? That despite the fact that it drives me mad how I stock up on apples in hopes of making that killer apple pie recipe only to end up with 10 rotten apples in my fridge? Do I be hard on myself and call myself “lazy” instead of glamorizing it and calling it “randomly awesome?”
I’ll stick to being randomly inconsistent with a spark of awesome.
Cue in (hopefully) many blog posts….