We’ve all seen the “Flashback Friday” features. Well, I’m going to do something different. Every Monday I will write about something I have fond memories of. With or without a photograph.
So, my first Memory Lane Monday is dedicated to my Grandfather.
This week my Grandfather passed away. My fathers father. This photograph is how I remember him. Big smile across his face, pants pulled up high, arms back with a perfect posture.
I have many fond memories of this incredible man. And as we mourn him and bury him on this gloomy Monday morning, the words just escape me. The tears roll down my cheek and the sadness fills my heart but the words just don’t seem to render.
I was speaking with my oldest brother last night. He is an amazing musician and he has written a beautiful song that he would like to play at the funeral today. He told us about how when Grandma passed away he wanted so badly to write a song for her but he just couldn’t get his spark. He chose to sing “Let it Be” by (as some of you may know my favorite) The Beatles. But Jeff said this time around was different. He woke up and it just came to him and he got to his guitar and wrote one of the most beautiful songs I have ever had the pleasure of hearing. (I’ve only heard a clip, I can only imagine what the entire piece is like. Be still my heart.) Hearing my brother talk about this got me to thinking about how I just can’t piece together the words to describe my feelings about losing Grandpa. There’s so much emotion, it’s not as if there’s a lack of emotion. I just can’t find the words. Or maybe I have. And I feel as if they aren’t good enough. They don’t relay my emotions as accurately as they should. Or maybe I don’t feel as if they’re good enough for Grandpa. I feel he deserves so much more. And that he does.
After Grandma passed almost 3 years ago, we all were so concerned about Grandpa. Being alone, not having Grandma to look after him. But he held on strong without her. But as the time went on, as did our lives. (Well, I will speak for myself.) I went to see Grandpa as often as I could immediately following Grandma’s death. Sometimes weekly. I wrote about it HERE. It was hard at times. Seeing him all alone, not knowing exactly if you were there and most of the time, who you were. But it meant a lot to me to see him. But as time went on, life got in the way. I began to visit him less. My visits were so infrequent that he never got to meet my daughter. For that and for the lack of visits in your last months, Grandpa, I am so sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I am truely sorry. My heart breaks thinking about you being all alone in your last days. Please know that I thought of you every day, and will continue to do so.
He was an amazing man, Tom Kiefer. He fathered 6 wonderful children. One being my incredible father. He and Grandma Rita showed us all how to love unconditionally. How to be true to your spouse and nurture them and how to be good parents. I am honored to be your Grandaughter. I am honored to parent Zalyn as you parented. She is one lucky little lady to have your genes. As are the rest of your great grandchldren.
So whenever I am having a rough day or when I’m feeling down about myself, I will remember the time I visited you when you repeatedly told me I was beautiful. Thank you. I love you. Give Grandma and Aunt Ann a big kiss from all of us.